Fear of men (androphobia)
En español: lee sobre este miedo en Fobias.org.
A fear of men can make work, dating, healthcare and everyday encounters tense. It can affect anyone, of any gender.
Many people find that with the right help, everyday encounters with men at work, on dates or at appointments can feel calmer and safer.
Use code PHOBIA at checkout for half price: £24.50 instead of £49. Outside the UK? $29.50.
Understanding this fear
Androphobia is an intense fear of men. It goes beyond feeling wary of a stranger or uneasy in a risky situation, bringing panic or dread when you see, think about or expect to meet a man. The anxiety often rises as a man comes closer, and many people know the fear is out of proportion while still being unable to control it. It can make work, dating, health appointments and ordinary encounters feel tense.
It can affect anyone, of any gender. Like many specific phobias it often begins in childhood, although it can also develop later in life. For some people it follows a frightening or harmful experience, while for others it is learned growing up or seems to come from nowhere. It can overlap with social anxiety, a fear of intimacy or the after effects of trauma.
Common triggers
- A man walking towards you or behind you
- Being alone in a lift or room with a man
- Deep or raised male voices
- Men in loud groups
- A male doctor, dentist or other professional
- Being touched by a man, even casually
- A man showing romantic interest
- News stories about male aggression
Where it shows up
- Public transport
- Workplaces with mostly male colleagues
- GP surgeries, dental and hospital appointments
- Pubs, bars and sports venues
- Taxis and lifts
- Family gatherings
- Gyms and leisure centres
Symptoms
In your body
- Sudden sweating or a racing heart
- Chest tightness or difficulty breathing
- Nausea or feeling sick
- Dizziness or feeling faint
- Freezing or feeling unable to move
- Shaking hands or legs
In your mind
- He is going to hurt me
- I need to get out of here now
- Feeling unsafe even when nothing is happening
- Old memories replaying when a man is near
- Feeling cross with yourself for being scared
What you might do
- Crossing the road or changing seats to keep away from men
- Always asking for a female doctor or professional
- Avoiding dating or social events
- Planning routes and times to avoid men
- Only going out with a friend
- Going quiet or freezing when a man speaks to you
What causes it
There is rarely one simple cause. For some people the fear follows an experience of harassment, assault, abuse or neglect, either their own or one that happened to someone close. For others it is learned growing up, by picking up the fear of a parent or carer, or through repeated warnings. A sensitive or anxious temperament and a family history of anxiety can add to it. Avoidance brings relief in the moment, but it stops the brain from learning that most everyday encounters with men are safe, so the fear stays strong.
How it can affect your life
Androphobia can affect careers, especially where men are managers, colleagues or customers. Some people put off medical or dental care if a male professional might be involved, which can have knock-on effects on health. It can make dating, friendships and even family relationships difficult. Constantly scanning for danger is tiring, and over time it can lead to isolation and low mood.
Things that can help day to day
- Ground yourself when fear rises by naming five things you can see and feeling your feet on the floor
- Use slow breathing, making the out breath longer than the in breath
- Ask for a female professional or a chaperone at appointments while you work on the fear
- Practise short, safe interactions in familiar places, such as thanking a male shop assistant
- Keep sensible personal safety habits, and notice the difference between real risk and an alarm firing out of habit
When to get help
It is worth getting help if the fear is stopping you from working, getting healthcare or having the relationships you want. Your GP is a good first port of call if anxiety is affecting your daily life, and you can ask to see a female GP if that feels easier. If your fear is linked to something that happened to you, a GP or specialist counsellor can help you find the right support, and you never have to share more than you want to. If a child seems frightened of men, parents can start by speaking to the GP.
How I can help
If you’ve tried to talk yourself out of this fear and it hasn’t worked, that isn’t a lack of willpower. A phobia is an alarm your mind learned, and logic alone rarely switches it off.
When I work with a fear of men, safety and choice come first, and you decide how much you share. We start by understanding what your mind is trying to protect you from, then we work on the automatic alarm that fires even when there is no real danger. Over Zoom, I use hypnotherapy and NLP to rehearse ordinary situations, like a work meeting or a doctor’s appointment, while you feel calm and in control. Many clients find they can tell real risk from old fear far more easily, and you keep a recording to listen to between sessions.
I’ve spent 17 years in clinical practice and helped more than 1,000 people with phobias. I hold a Postgraduate Certificate and a Postgraduate Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy, both with Distinction.
If your fear is linked to something that happened to you, you never have to share more than you want to.
Common questions
Is it normal to be cautious around men I do not know?
Yes, sensible caution is a normal part of keeping yourself safe. It becomes a phobia when the fear is out of proportion to the situation, lasts for months and stops you doing things you need or want to do.
Can men have androphobia?
Yes. A fear of men can affect people of any gender, including men, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
Can I ask for a female doctor if I am afraid of men?
In most cases you can ask, and many surgeries will try to arrange it. It helps to mention it when you book.
Where does it come from?
Sometimes it follows a frightening or harmful experience. Sometimes it’s learned growing up. Whatever the cause, we work with care and at your pace.
How do sessions work?
I use hypnotherapy and NLP to change how your mind responds to men. Sessions are one to one over Zoom, and you get a recording of the hypnosis to listen to afterwards.
How many sessions will I need?
Many clients notice a real difference after one 90 minute session. If the fear goes back a long way, three sessions gives us room to make the change stick.
Further reading: Healthline: Androphobia · Mind: About phobias · NHS: Phobias
Ready to start?
A short call is the simplest next step. We’ll talk about your fear, what you’d like to feel instead, and whether I’m the right person to help.
- Take the free test at the top of this page to see how strong your fear is.
- Book a 30 minute call. Use code PHOBIA at checkout for half price: £24.50 instead of £49 ($29.50 outside the UK).
- Start your sessions over Zoom from wherever you live, or face to face in Hertfordshire.
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